Bad news is like a bitter pill you can’t spit out. Sooner or later, you have to swallow it”
This morning I heard the news of a distant acquaintance who died (committed suicide actually) and it made my stomach churn. She is much older than I am and the last time I saw her, I was probably 10. But I have memories of her smiling at me,telling me how cute I am and finally she would tell me to greet my sister and brother. Sometimes I would be with my sister and She would tell my sister that I am more pretty than she is. It was always a light hearted back and forth banter. I remember her as a happy go lucky and driven fellow.
I only saw snippet of her life on social media afterwards and she looked like she was doing OK and happy. The news of the “how” of her death came as a shock. My sister in disbelief and in a voice choked with tears said she’s one of the strongest persons she knows. Apparently, there is a end to strength.
I heard of possible reasons she must have decided to end her life. And I suppose for her, death had become a better option than life. Life was merciless and death seemed kind. My eyes are dry but I can’t express or explain the kind of sadness I feel right now.
I currently have several conversations in my head. Several wishes for her. But those can do nothing to bring her back. But most of all, I wish she found the 1% hope that would have made her life worth living.
There is so much more I would like to say, but I can seem to put words to my thoughts.
To whoever is reading this, I hope you never have to think of suicide, and If you do, I pray you have the courage not to succumb to the bittersweet allures of death. I pray help finds you when you need it. I pray you find comfort in the shoulders of friends and loved ones.
I pray we become channels of hope to those who seem to have exhausted theirs. I pray we become the solution to another’s problem. I pray we have the grace to dispense love in actions and in words rather than judgement and condemnation.
Most of all, despite what ever we are all going through, I pray you and I continually find the courage to live.