Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with a lot happening around me and within me that I am desperately searching for a cure even if temporary. I try to chat on social media but I really don’t feel like it. Then I decide to take a walk and temporarily, my mind is taken off what I feel or how am feeling because watching people and idling away on Pinterest can be really distracting and entertaining. Other times, I go to visit a friend and most times I go, I just get hyperactive and I often come back from her place not liking how I talked too much about irrelevant things.
Hence for a really long time am shuffling my feet around trying to find a way to deal with what I think is not right with me. It’s like am at my end and maybe only God can help me. So, I would make plans to pray and read my bible and perhaps I would feel better or get some sort of solution. But it just never happens that way. I often oversleep or just plain stare at my bible and never open my mouth in prayer.
However, at that point where I feel like I have come to the end of the rope, I lose all respect for structure and plans and all that matters is that am talking to God and “can he hear me?”
Truthfully, at that point I don’t care if he hears me or not, I just want to spill out everything that I don’t like and also to pray that he fixes me. I just want to throw out all my doubt and worries so that I can feel better and not have to bear that heavy burden anymore.
At first, it feels like am talking to myself because am rambling off a lot. And sometimes I want to scream “do you even hear me” out loud. But somehow, it looks like the more I talk about what ails me, the better I feel, and the more I feel free to move into other subjects of discussion with God. By the time I finish talking (can I ever finish talking?) better still by the time I stop talking, I feel calm and assured within me.
I am that child that has a lot on her list and I have just handed everything over to my father who I know will do everything in my best interest and also give me all I need. Thus, even though I have just given the list to him officially and I don’t have the stuffs yet, I feel like I have all I have asked for already. So, here I am wondering how stupid I was to have burdened myself with this list for so long without handling it over to my capable and dependable Father.
Right now, I feel better because I know God is in control and he is going to strengthen me, give me the grace I need for all I have to do and also supply all my need( not just financial by the way). I don’t know if you see it or know it yet, but I know that there’s something about dropping all the fancy pose and coming naked before God because he sees all of you and knows all of you. No fooling around, there’s no hiding with God, not even one… So, COME AS YOU ARE
Keep Blooming 💜💚💛💗